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Selfsame

by Dylan Griggs

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1.
Unimpressed but that might say something about Myself that I didn't want to say I've got the same disposition as yesterday And even if my ego doesn't want to hold my weight I still still have to stand. Never know what I'm talking about when I am acting like I should And I can't say honestly that I ever did all I could And even if everyone abandoned ship just like I would I would still understand. This is the future I was scared to know I'd have And I've got it now Dissatisfaction never quite goes away But you can try to let it out You can try to let it all out. Feeling like I'm not the only guilty one Just the one that's in my head And the one that has to review all of the evidence And even when I've got nothing left to defend I will still have to stand. Find it too easy to get tensed up so I'm stuck where I'm at And every muscle movement is compensation for just that And even when no one has patience for what I have I will still understand. This is the future I was scared to know I'd have And I've got it now Dissatisfaction never quite goes away But you can try to let it out You can try to let it all out. But I will still have to stand.
2.
If mistakes in our plans don't kill us What will kill us then? And if the blood in my hands didn't come from inside Where did it then? And if our lives will be different Well, let them be different then. And I don't know what's in those notes that I wrote But I remember them And if the truth isn't in at least one Then I don't know what is And if there's one word to make it clear I'm sure that I refrained from it Because I've got more dirt in my mouth Than under my feet And I think that it's starting to bother me And catharsis just refuses to come quickly It's slowing down my bones Slowing down my bones and making me walk Gracefully. Fear is a radio whisper of a song I used to play And as long as I'm deceiving myself I can hear my name But the static sounds alright, I think that I will let it play today. And I didn't mean to give the game away That's just how it works And I will make a list to apologize to everyone I hurt And if you think that I'd mislead you, yeah You can bet I would Because I've got more dirt in my mouth Than under my feet And I think that it's starting to bother me And catharsis just refuses to come quickly It's slowing down my bones Slowing down my bones and making me walk Gracefully.
3.
Kerosene 03:47
I lit a lantern for you That I ended up using to find my way back and It got burnt out before it got seen But one day I'll go shopping for kerosene. My heartache will lessen with the size of my heart And though that's a good fit it doesn't feel good And though I remember promising I would I don't think I took care of myself. And I've still got this scar on the side of my thumb That will always be there but it's healing up nice From the same night that you borrowed my knife That you used without noticing the blood. I lit a lantern for you That I ended up using to find my way back and It got burnt out before it got seen But one day I'll go shopping for kerosene. I lost perspective as soon as I could Because my vision has never been great And though starting now is starting too late I have learned to play it by ear. It'd be romantic to burn it all down To shred every story and start again new But I'm afraid that the way that I grew Means that I'm sewn into these walls. I lit a lantern for you That I ended up using to find my way back and It got burnt out before it got seen But one day I'll go shopping for kerosene In the morning I'll go shopping for kerosene.
4.
Redacting 05:13
Easily enough you drop what you're doing In the city where you live and come back home Eviscerate the walls and tear up the floorboards For a weekend at best and then go back But I will find the house you live in now And I'll define the ghosts you hear from now And I'll defile the idea hanging around your head About coming home again. It's easy enough to hide the risks and Oh my god, I really did It wasn't my intent to trap you And even if I built the walls you Pound your bloody fists into I didn't think I could actually harm you. But I will find the house you live in now And I'll define the ghosts you hear from now And I'll defile the idea hanging around your head About coming home again. One day you'll find the documents And you'll try your best to fill them but No matter what you black the pages with You'll only be redacting. But I will find the house you live in now And I'll define the ghosts you hear from here on out And I'll defile the idea hanging around your head About coming home again
5.
What seems to be the matter? A fuzzy halo around your head And lines that point into the mountains We can't remember what was said And if we're gone then we're already gone And if we're here then we are honorary goners And if we're here then we have reason to belong And if we're gone we have something in common. I never walk as if I matter Extemporaneous and bored And if all talk's reduced to chatter I'll take the lines that point me north. And if we're gone then we're already gone And if we're here then we are honorary goners And if we're here then we have reason to belong And if we're gone we have something in common.
6.
Decadence 03:42
What's the point of living If I ain't spilling Myself in every crevice? And if time's worth keeping I'll set my watch this evening To see if I can really grasp it. 'Cause I've got demons and a bone to pick Like everybody else, like everybody else 'Cause I've got demons and a bone to pick Like everybody else, with everybody else 'Cause I've got demons and a bone to pick Like everybody else, with decadence 'Cause I've got demons and a bone to pick Like everybody else The scraps between my teeth So rotten they could be anything, I was wrong To pick them out and not swallow them whole I'm gonna need to reach If I'm gonna get by just grasping at straws It's all I really got, it's all I really got But not for long. What's the point of failure if every dead endeavor Is so delicately measured? For once I'd like to wallow Eye to eye with sorrow And let the sadness be my pleasure 'Cause I've got demons and a bone to pick Like everybody else, like everybody else 'Cause I've got demons and a bone to pick Like everybody else, with everybody else 'Cause I've got demons and a bone to pick Like everybody else, with decadence 'Cause I've got demons and a bone to pick Like everybody else The scraps between my teeth So rotten they could be anything, I was wrong To pick them out and not swallow them whole I'm gonna need to reach If I'm gonna get by just grasping at straws It's all I really got, it's all I really got But not for long. 'Cause I've got demons and a bone to pick Like everybody else, like every body.
7.
Holding out a compass in the wrong direction Trying to find the right things in reverse The other way was pointing nowhere And I know that nowhere isn't home I know that nowhere isn't home I've been there Trying hard not to read the future 'Cause I know there's blank pages at the end And maybe some in the middle And I know the middle is my own I know the middle is my own I have been there.
8.
Igloo 03:22
Inconveniently inspired by my misgivings To never have to make a choice of where I should go Rubbed the wrong way again and I will not find another hollow to grow warm in Dead set in my desire to sleep in the snow. They say it gets clearer the deeper you go. Intermittently impeded by the feeling that the feeling is leaving my body and Haunted by it less and less and I am left to adapt to the cold and If I had a fire now I think that I would only seek to burn all my organs Because desperation leads every man to his own newest lower. They say it gets clearer the deeper you go. Asserting my own narrative and fitting it to the situation To make it seem like I have a semblance of self-control But even if I make it out alive today there's still tomorrow And I'm wise enough to know I don't know. They say it gets clearer the deeper you go.
9.
I deny That my baser instincts ever gave me pride Though I I will kick and scratch I'll claw and dig and bite All for my little plot of nothing I'll plant my flag In my little plot of nothing I rely On assurances that I'm not wasting time And if I have On convincing me it's really not that bad Have I earned my little plot of nothing? Tell me I've earned my little plot of nothing We could share the flesh of my rotted fruit Neglected after windfall shook it loose Maybe I have one thing left to lose, you know, My little plot of nothing Here's what I've grown on my little plot of nothing Sickeningly sweet or just sickening My little plot of nothing
10.
I will die three deaths One I have already met One when I truly pass And one when I'm forgotten I will die three deaths With at least one life of regret But hopefully two half-lived So I can make a whole out of it. And when I found I can't escape the sound of my voice I was disappointed A pseudonym spoken like a hymn to heal Myself, disjointed I will die three deaths And not dwell on any one of them And until the next Try to make progress And where I find I've wasted my time, I wonder If that is dying too And if so, then my time to go Can't be anything but soon Anticipation's the wrong word But I'm prepared to.
11.
The last beautiful thing that I wrote Well, it must have been years and years and years ago I remember the cadence but never the notes And I've since quit writing down what I know From when I had the mountain on my tongue And I didn't need anyone Until the taste was all gone and my tongue was still parched And there I was The last horrible thing that I wrote Was the silence I wrote for myself in the back of my throat You know I scribbled it down, I learned it by rote And I could still hear it in there even when I spoke. But I had the mountain on my tongue And I didn't need anyone Until the taste was all gone and my tongue was still parched And there I was. I cannot wait Like I have been waiting For someone to say That I need changing I cannot wait Until there's a day Where I take of my skin To feel something new again And it won't take long to figure out When I said I was lonely I just wanted something new to think about And maybe try to lighten myself.
12.
Do You? 02:46
We could clean it up Starry-eye my desperation It looks better as romance And I could counter-argue But I don't think that I will 'Cause I don't think that you care You don't care do you? 'Cause even if you did I'd unpack half-truths and fix the latches They get a little easier to open every time And even if you wanted to act in my best interest You'll get fooled You don't think that I'm interested do you? It'll take a little to get between myself and my self-diagnosis And I won't step back gracious And I know there's little belaboring the point When your size outpaces me You think you got the cure to being bitter? Well the pill tastes just as bad as the real thing And I hope you don't expect me to get better You don't think that I intend to help myself, do you? 'Cause even if I did I would provide my own superstition And it would make sense while I dwelled on it And I know it sounds like I am stuck on being stubborn But that's okay You don't expect anything-
13.
A Curiosity 03:54
I used to give directions but I don't know where to go So if you see a signpost let me know I used to sing my sadness like it meant something to me But now it's just a curiosity And the strangest part Of what I wrought Is that it gets me by So if you find A purpose in life Let me know So that I can try. I used to think that I contained the treasure and the key But now they feel completely lost to me My hubris had convinced me that the wind had finally died But now I know it's just biding its time And the worst of this Ineloquence Is that it gets me by So if you find a more peaceful time Let me know So I can come inside Not bad for a makeshift tragedy The kind you can watch And never lose sleep I thought I had the wherewithal but now I guess I'm spent And now you'll have to wonder what I meant And now you'll have to wonder what I meant.
14.
Dylan, write a song Isn't that all that you could've done? The wait will be long if you count it like that Distract your mind, put it to rest And I know you won't be Kind to yourself And I know knowing that fact Will do little to help And I know the wolves in the house Won't let you out But you can take care of yourself Now. Dylan, write a song You'll wish that you hadn't But you don't wanna be alone The ones you write about Are saying you're wrong And they've got a point, you know. And I know you won't be Happy somehow But don't be ashamed by the Dirt in your mouth Catharsis is slow You said it yourself The world can take care of itself For now.

about

These songs were recorded in early 2018 and then shelved while I worked on other things. They are remakes of some of my most popular live songs. Enjoy.

I stream a full acoustic set on twitch every Friday, starting at 7:30est. twitch/tv/dylangriggsmusic

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released October 30, 2020

All music and lyrics by Dylan Griggs

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Dylan Griggs Paducah, Kentucky

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