1. |
Capital A, Hard T
03:22
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I’m an evergreen
wear-out-your-welcome type
this self destructive shit
was cool for a second, right?
Or at least it served it function
heavy hands to carry the bludgeon.
that’s something.
The songs will continue
until morale improves
there is nothing constructive
left to do
I meander and falter and fall apart
trying to get to exactly where you are
that’s art.
I hope you understand by now
we don’t use that word in this house
I swear to god I won’t raise a son
with a song in his heart.
I’m so done.
don’t say that part
you’ll embarrass yourself
caring for thinking
more than your health. Oh well.
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2. |
Use Force
03:36
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3. |
Crow For Every Meal
05:02
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Hatred found
and put me down
machines that make machines
that made me
make me proud
that I won’t be around
when the dust is settled down
the mask can only slip one way
apologies for showing you
that metal taste stuck in my mouth
that’s flesh that I am biting through
Not to offer cures
I’m dying just as fast
but time has so much worth
when it’s not lost inside your head
Magnified
light in the offset night
pretending not to see
the weather makes a fool
out of the cold and desperate
the unexpectant, forecasting forever-warmth
no-need-for-a-fire me
It just gets more intricate
with every moving part
a gear against a gear against
a gear against a heart.
I Slipped into black ice and harmful
habits I won’t break
I’m eating crow now for every meal
there’s feathers on my face
Not to give advice
I do as I’m told
but I would make an offering
before the blood runs cold
not to try and hide
you’ll always be found
but I would pull the soil over
and sink into the ground
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4. |
Matroyshka Dolls
02:37
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Sick of the truth
I put it to use, now
I’m driving through the storm
Drained of my youth
it’s no excuse, now
everyone’s moving on
I want to fall
into sequence like
matryoshka dolls
too late for me
perpetually ignoring my own
sensibility
Mastered the art of
telling apart the
artist and confidant
Religiously
devoted to be one of
many moving parts
I need to prove
the route of every thought process to you
carelessly unkind
the way you learned to expect me
over time
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5. |
Truly Holy
04:03
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Detritus of livedness
truly holy
rewarded with nothingness
truly holy
you were
truly holy
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6. |
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Hey, give me space
It's a bad day
the light can change my mood
in the worst ways
Safe and sound
but I will not be proud
and I am not proud now
How long was I out for?
No, I would never fight for
any of you, I would
retreat to live another, more lonely, day
I am determined to rend
the fragile from their weapons
I need to see what happens.
Give or take
an honest mistake
Everything I broke
I meant to break
What good's preservation
If you don't get to use it
when you might really need it?
Retreat to live another lonely
There's enough for a full course
but now I'm full of words, words, words.
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7. |
The Myth of the Tension
02:56
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The myth of the tension
keeps me living here
the lack of attention
to what I need to hear
and I know that a road won't
automatically go
and I can’t get anywhere with ease
but I hope that I
eventually am right
and this wild desire to flee
will cease
the myth of indifference
leaves me on my own
A shrine that’s finally finished
a moment to atone
and I know that a sign
is dependent on the mind
and it could mean anything
but I hope that I
eventually am right
and this wild desire to flee
will cease
give it some thought
more than I have
wherever we go
it’s can’t be that bad
and I don’t believe
the things that I’ve said
but I’m getting
desperate for rest
the myth of remission
nothing’s ever gone
this sorrowful tradition
darkens and lingers on
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8. |
Performative Years
03:41
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ok, here’s how it works
the words come first
and the meaning after
emotion only after you felt
the shaking in your knees
ok, I’m mystified
by other side of something
that I never liked
lightning struck
where lightning prefers to strike
the formative years are over
it’s only performative years
from here
errant thoughts
that I want lost
maybe it’s ok
to never know the plot
ok, here’s how I thought it worked
the life comes first
and the narrative after
autobiographies with a
definitive end
ok, I’m terrified
I’m sure I missed things
I won’t even recognize
I need to know that they
weren’t worth my time
so cheers to the death of the author
it’s all stories told from here
I forgot
how much I hated
what I was taught
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9. |
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You know, I said that I’d mislead you
that doesn’t mean that I’m not sorry
I made out a mountain from a mountain
I’m never tired of being lonely
I count the days like they’re made for me
I count the truth like it can help
hasn’t anybody ever
kept it to themselves?
If I was wrong in this endeavor
it’s my responsibility only
and if you see me in the distance
I’m never tired of being lonely
I know I’m far beyond the foothills
and the forest soon will own me
if you give up searching I won’t blame you
I’m never tired of being lonely
I’ve got this reflex that I’ve hated
knowing about it doesn’t help
I can’t be appreciated
can’t you keep that to yourself?
You know, I said that I’d mislead you
that doesn’t mean that I’m not sorry
I made out a mountain from a mountain
I’m never tired of being lonely
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10. |
Down, Down, Down (pt. 2)
03:16
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I will eat away the chance
at mitigating happenstance
I will weigh you down.
I will bear the consequence
of ever-mounting evidence
I will weigh you down
endless suffering, I swear
a straight line between here and nowhere
down
I’ll eliminate the cause
and leave only what is lost
I will weigh you down
I’ll leave you to suspect
this is line with my intellect
I will weigh you down
there’s a burden left to bare
to grin and take the weight away from here
down
no need to remind me
the worst I can do is to seem
no need to remind me
the worst I can do is to see
down
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11. |
Black Halo
03:42
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Mythmade
insects in the distance
paying for the benefit
of seeing something mystic
wings like helicopter blades
the prey don’t have to learn
to be afraid
swan song images
quotidian
life of swimming
eating grass and bugs and
eventually getting picked off
unremarkable days
no human can relay
instinct over love
instinct over everything
your gut is yours
your heart is yours
your temperament is yours
your eyes are black
your mouth is yours
your wings are yours
your fur is yours
your halo’s black
I’ve been attuned
to point directions home for you
a magnet in my forehead
please don’t make me use it
I’ve heard it said
there’s more alive right now than dead
but we’ve got billions of years
to contend with
maybe once we get there
our instincts to live will give up
my face is yours
my tail is yours
my story’s yours
my teeth are black
my seething’s yours
my tracks are yours
my mirror’s yours
my pages are black
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12. |
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Taking the distance
away from horizons
flattened before you
making as little mention
of my own resistance
always to progress
It is going stale
more sinister interests will prevail
my head will spin the synonyms
together
until it’s all small talk
work, the news, the weather.
Feeling not hope
Do you see what I’m dealing with
engine noise from every thing that’s interested
can’t-sleep ambient noise
pillow against the window against the highway
feeling not hope
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13. |
Wind Resistance
06:17
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I failed to mention
I was given
the right tools to work
generous time I
squandered to mind
a patch of unliving dirt
figured it out
so now it’s about
grieving and letting go
so many turns taken
after the first
if only you could have known.
I would want
you eagerly moving on
but I know
nobody heals that much.
And I know
everyone disregards
final wishes because
that’s what they are for.
I failed to mention
the wind resistance
that keeps me from hitting earth
nutrient rich
from what it has taken
turning deeper brown
can’t go without
self hatred and doubt
it lingers on my tongue
for all of my bile
I’ll linger awhile
to see the damage done.
Give me credit
it took so much work
not to get it.
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14. |
Put-Me-Down
03:20
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I got tired of
filling voids
with whatever would fit
both the three chords
and the truth
are useless
easily the best
is what it is
a bleeding heart wrapped around a fist
to beat the truth out with
saved times
for deadlines
I’m dead
before
utility abounds
the best get out of here
as a form of put-me-down
so just put me down
if you’re confused
there’s nothing more to do for you
see, the finger’s pointed at myself
so please just get a clue
saved time
for good lives
I can’t
afford
I want
to think that
I was
reluctant
I was
a coward
who pushed on
for hours
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