1. |
Be the First
02:50
|
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I’ll use my
my even hands
to get a grip
on the circumstances
so if it’s something
tragic i’ll know
and i’ll be the first
I’ll dig my
my early grave
to get a grip
on what I can save
and if it’s nothing much
I’ll know
and I’ll be the first
and if the horizon
is locked in
I would need to know
so I can be the first
|
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2. |
Enuff
03:32
|
|||
The air tastes hateful
salted with a curse
The same mispoken
false shamanic words
“How would you like
how would you like
a disappointing, well regarded life?”
The distance makes it all too likely
and self-destruction sounds just like me
susperstitious
guided missiles
on my back
checking peepholes
always primed
for an attack
and if my art is bad
then I’m right!
And I can gloat
until I’m satisfied
so how would you like
how would you like
an apparatus built to never thrive
if I ever learned then it was not
enough
|
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3. |
Anodyne Life
03:39
|
|||
I feel impudent
asking “is this really it?”
discomfort like I know
what a molehill is
anodyne life
where ease of every stripe
makes me tired.
The sum of all
possible experiences I live through
can never scratch the infinite
Can never be enough
and even if I wanted to be
wise enough to resign myself to
bury the longview,
it can never be enough.
Fatalist
hanger-on
hunger pains
living long
error prone
terror bound
made of stone
gone without
I’m proud to admit
I’m a decent source
for indecent impulses
|
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4. |
Пожалуйста
03:36
|
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I think
your enthusiasm passed
the skill that I might have
to make sense of this gibberish
you’re teaching me
My mind
only has so much room
and you’ve falsely assumed
that the real estate is
still around
Even looking at the words you gave me
makes me forget all the cool chord shapes I’ve learned
и я не могу играть
you are actively making me forget
я не могу играть
you are actively making me forget
good luck
to everyone, I’m lost
and I don’t know what it means
I only learned how to make the sounds
один
солдат against
the fluent speakers that
smile politely and clap more than they should
drinking квас and answering questions
no, I don’t intend to look up what I said
и я не могу играть
you are actively making me forget
я не могу играть
you are actively making me forget
please show compassion
cut out my tongue
пожалуйста
пожалуйста
пожалуйста
|
||||
5. |
||||
I’m a hypochondriac
I get too attached
To the way that I’m feeling
I wish I could give it back
Just bleed it out
And cut to the healing
I was a polymath
I ran the numbers
It just wasn’t worth it
Read all of the books in reverse
And returned them to the shelf
Is what i can say for myself
Hey
Everybody gets in the way
Everybody gets in the way
It takes someone stronger than me
To make themselves smaller
Shrinking away
Shrinking away
I had an impressive start
Hit the right notes
Until the song fell apart
But i’m still singing out of key
Someone Make an example out of me
There’s something sinister
About someone who doesn’t quit when they’re hurt
I’m dragging a leg
No i’m fine
I didn’t mean me
No I said I’m fine
A common mistake
Don’t make friends at a masquerade
|
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6. |
Getting Wise
03:23
|
|||
There is plenty to consume
a toxic pond with floral blooms
but long as I can see the sun
I can get along with anyone
my temper makes scary friend
I’d rather get the best of him
but if I’m waiting for him to turn his back
I’m wasting time that I don’t have
an insect, dismembered
appendage by appendage
how long did you think
I would make it
stumbling around on no legs?
toss and turn about it
or just go without it
but if you want solace
I wouldn’t think about it
I think that I’m getting wise
feels like I’m gonna die
but now I’m telling all the kids
fill me in, I don’t get it
never was a hypocrite
the thought of lying makes me sick
but now I’m eating everything I’ve said
dig in, it’s delicious
I only give concessions to the weak-
er parts of me
that refuse to speak, the meek
will inherit the low expectations, I’m sure
of a casually pathetic future
toss and turn about it
or just go without it
but if you want solace
I wouldn’t think about it
and for all your worry
you won’t be rewarded
so if you want solace
just don’t think about it.
|
||||
7. |
Awful Brain
04:04
|
|||
I get the roughest sleep
I always wake up tired
Haunted by darkened dreams
Where I’m pursued and then pulled down then picked apart
I’ve got an awful brain
Barely keeps me alive
It’s ruined half a life
I don’t even mean mine
I never even tried to care
I never tried to care
I never tried to care
The thought was never there
and if you think I was
honestly going to
sacrifice anything
I’m sorry to disappoint
IF you ever entertained
the thought that I would face
any hardship on purpose
you were mistaken
and If I’ve got the losing hand I think I’m gonna play it
cause there isn’t anything to do except for play the game
and if the world is weighing on my shoulders I will drop it
so please just do your best to try and get out of the way
and if the world is spinning fast enough that it might toss us
at least then it would bring a faster ending to the year
why am I so terrified of peaceful non-existence
if the truth is that both you and I were never really here?
you might find it funny
what I consider merciful
I’ll tie one hand behind my back
before beating myself up
and it’s a shame I’m such a pity
because if I wasn’t so self-loathing
I might get myself together enough
to work on something beautiful
|
||||
8. |
Horror Vaccui
04:35
|
|||
I’m a Product of my time
easily neutralized
Hasty and impolite
and prone to abrasive
flights or fights
hate to be the herald of bad news
but time will make
an unwitting sacrifice
of every crevice
where we could hide
or keep the sun from burning us
or take away our youthful wanderlust
but you cannot take my imprecise
pathetic impulses
all the way away
from me,
you see
I was born
out of scorn and youthful oversight
Ready to abhor
the vacuum like biology
instructed me
fell headfirst into
easy epiphanies
it doesn’t take much to pit
the pit of my gut against
infinities
keep the good from coming up
and keep the bile from coming out
but you cannot make an incomplete
specimen such me
survive
I’m only half alive
I
learned hard and slow
it doesn’t make you brilliant
to feel alone
|
||||
9. |
||||
clear air I wonder
what’s the clap if not the thunder?
sandstorm in a blur
it’s never what you heard
the drywall pouring out my mouth
is not a resolution
you’re waiting to be fed
make believe
a chance at tyranny, a lightbulb
far away and always changing colors
keeping time
duality
the oscillation between reason and
a hungry hateful god
that’s got his fingers on your pulse now
pleurisy
the wheeze of lungs lost in the haze
in out ribs in out ribs in
the easiest days are the ones where I remember
you’re just a balloon that I have 0 been letting out
the pressure’s going down
don’t retrieve
the symbolic easing of time
forty years and a scar
that looks just like me
a tragedy
made of mirrors and lonely shoes
far too small for growing feet
like mine used to be
hope is a bug
wings for the beloved
|
||||
10. |
Falling Up the Stairs
06:13
|
|||
Falling up the stairs
heaven's heavy-handed
today, it's theirs
Necessity's a chore
tools to break the stone
dust to settle down
resting on you now
I would gladly give away
My prospective legacy
Atomized, brutalized, and weak.
I would gladly give away
my untethered urgency
cast adrift, waiting to reply
until I die.
Sitting in the dark
hope is often slaughtered
before it stars
Unremembered dreams
An unearned fondness
for everything
The math I did would bore
you to sleep, I patiently keep score
of tired and hours that should be yours.
I would gladly give away
my propensity to contemplate
for a second of just solace or a night's
sleep
I would gladly give away
my disproportionate ache
behind my chest, the first to guess
gets to open up and see
me.
|
||||
11. |
Petroglyphs
10:23
|
|||
Photographs
cataracts
all that last
of you
Petroglyphs
Cosmic shift
what I meant
to do
I took you
I took you
to a thousand years of soil
the only place that’s left to go
you won’t resolve
so come and dig a cave with me
connect it to the next
and once we've dug for light
we'll finally get some rest
come and give away with me
the fortunes we were told
a static sensibility
a handshake to grow old
you grow old.
|
||||
12. |
You Are Still Young
03:02
|
|||
I remember
not exactly crowded rooms
I remember
clapping when I wasn’t supposed to
and you were young
and I was young
but you are still young
I am going to try to
hide this from you
I am going to try to
hide
I remember
always trying to shed my skin
I remember
you asking me to play it again
and you were young
and I was young
but you are still young
I am going to try to
hide this from you
I am going to try to
hide
I remember
telling you what would kill us
I remembered
it always felt hypothetical
and you were young
and I was young
but you are still young
|
||||
13. |
Spirit
05:28
|
|||
I wanted to awaken the spirit I thought
Was probably a metaphor but what have I got
To lose except baggage that doesn't contain
Anything useful, just worry and shame
So I took to the woods where I thought that I'd find
The truth of the earth and a new piece of mind
And instead of a quick revelation I found
Life that had grown from the death in the ground
And so needing a rest, I sat under a tree
And a spider walked up my leg up to my knee
and I knew that killing it wouldn't be kind
So I put down my finger directly beside it and
It climbed up my finger and into my palm
And I thought I'd be nervous but I kept my calm
And up from my arm further up to my shoulder
It perched and we left towards a valley with boulders
Away from the woods there was a strong wind
And the boulders felt like they had spirits in them
And I started to understand why people that lived
Thousands of years ago did what they did
And I know it's an error to ever ascribe
Wisdom or thought to a creature that size
And I hadn't been eating so I thought maybe that's why
I'd fashioned an animal spiritual guide
and just as I was about to reach out and touch
the lichens that danced on the side of the rocks
a quake from the earth threw me right off my feet
and I regained composure just in time to meet
the eye of the golum I thought was a stone
he rose to a size that was double my own
for maybe an hour we froze where we stood and
then I turned away and went back to the woods
I dropped the spider off where we'd met
and on the way home pondered goals that I'd set
and if this reality was something at all
and if I could have clarity, however small
or if I'm an ant on the side of the road
much too small to ever know what I don't know
when I got to my house I was finally at peace
and I fell in my bed and went straight to sleep
|
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